One Mean burger

Friday, March 8, 2024 — When they place it on a tee for you…

I love truth in advertising. The very first phrase you see on the home page of Humble’s Mean Burger is “That’s one Mean Burger!!” and they are not kidding around.

Mean Burger is located about 10 minutes northeast of IAH, and only hit my radar this past week. I knew I had to be up at the airport to complete the Global Entry process (which is more of a hassle than it should be), and so naturally I researched potential hamburger spots in the area.

Mean Burger has a 4.8 on both Yelp and Google — making it the 2nd-highest-rated burger joint in the entire greater Houston area! (after JLB Eatery) — and I am ecstatic to say that it absolutely lived up to that reputation.

Located in an unassuming strip center, Mean Burger’s interior is no-frills — which is basically the description of every legendary Houston burger place — and all chowing down.

I ordered the Mean Bleu Cheese Burger with two extremely generously sized patties (because of course), which came with bacon and blue cheese, and I added pickle, raw onion, pickled jalapeños, grilled jalapeños, grilled mushrooms, and thousand island dressing.

If you’ve read my reviews previously, you know that I (a) much prefer huge patties to smashburgers; (b) am wild about bleu cheese and bacon as burger toppings; and (c) always want to customize my sandwiches. I also deeply appreciate a place that gives you a starting point — in this case, the Mean Bleu — and then lets you go even further with additions.

As for the burger itself, look at that thing! A massive double stack piled to the sky with add-ons and a bun that can barely contain the proceedings. The beef was cooked wonderfully—I could’ve gone for a hint rawer, but the options were Medium, Medium Well, and Well Done, and even at a slightly lengthier cook the meat had enough juice—and lightly seasoned. Not sure what their blend is, but when your base patty is this bursting with flavor, no need to go overboard on salt.

The blue cheese was on point and bacon crispy, and the toppings were excessively generous. Not to slight Hippo, which I also enjoyed, but this is closer to what I was hoping for when I tried Hippo’s Blue burger a few weeks ago.

All in all, Mean checked just about every box I can think of for supreme burger satisfaction, and is most worthy of its ranking as #2 burger place in greater Houston!

I still can’t quite believe an aggregate 4.8 burger spot has existed in Houston without my knowing about it prior to this past week. Granted, Humble isn’t technically Houston, but definitely counts as greater Houston. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — Houstonians are beyond spoiled when it comes to options for utterly outrageously delicious meat piles. Now if only we could say the same about the local Hazy IPA scene, which of course isn’t entirely bereft of world-class options, but these days finding Houston breweries interested in pushing the envelope on saturation is largely an effort in futility. But that’s a conversation for another time :)

For today, let’s celebrate yet another outstanding burger option in Greater Houston — in fact, I’m fairly certain Mean Burger will crack my Top 5 (though it’s starting to get crowded in there!). 5 out of 5 patties! 🍔 🍔 🍔 🍔 🍔